I went on two dates with a woman who was smart and attractive and — at least going by those first two dates — has her shit together. In terms of chemistry, on a scale from wet wood to forest fire, we were like charcoal that’s burned through some bakhoor. There’s still heat in there, but it probably won’t do the job you need properly.

And I strongly believe the feeling was mutual. Because even though both of us said to the other person that we had a good time, neither of us was really putting in the effort to meet up again.

In that limbo period, I went out with someone else, and immediately, it was like a bonfire. It consumed the charcoal, and every other flammable thing I had laying around.

And even though nothing happened with that second person, the bar for chemistry — the fire my heart desires for a date to be considered acceptable — got raised. Nothing, so far, has come even close to that.

I was talking with my friend Alex last night about ChatGPT — specifically about how people use it to process complex events and challenging interpersonal situations, and she mentioned how, because of how good ChatGPT is at reflecting and validating the user’s feelings, people have come to expect more from the people in their lives. Their bar for the kind of validation and reflection they need in their relationships has been raised, and flesh and blood people, in comparison, come out lacking.

In comparison to a.i, humans will always come out lacking, but that’s because human relationships come with friction. And the friction is a feature, not a bug.

We’re supposed to rub against each other. Annoy each other. Reflect each other but also challenge each other. Shape each other. Relationships are suppose to be transformative. And transformation is almost always disruptive.

I don’t think this is a prompt issue; the tool itself is the problem.

Anyway, maybe I’m not ready to change, and the chemistry is just an excuse.