Dan Savage often says on his podcast that he does not believe that sex addiction exists. And I get why.

Part of it is that traditionally, addiction is a chemical thing. Nicotine. Alcohol. Opioids. They “hijack” the brain’s dopamine system and “train” it to seek more of them.

Sex, on the other hand — along with similar things in the group like gambling, video games, and social media — do not hijack anything. They just make sure of the brain’s natural reward system, and some people get hooked on that.

The other reason why Dan Savage denies the existence of sex addiction, I suspect, is that in a sex negative society, admitting that sex addiction exists feels like giving a point to the anti-sex camp.

But from an outside third-person point of view, the behavior of a alcoholic can be indistinguishable from the behavior of a sex addict, at least in terms of how it affects the people close to them. They don’t do what they say they will do and don’t show up when they say they will, and whatever they have on their priority list, the object or substance of their addiction will always be on top.

Dating apps are a bit like social media apps, but worse, in my opinion. My blessed — in a lot of ways — not to have any of the traditional and non-traditional addictions, but by God the dating apps have got me. Every time I’m on them, I think — maybe this time, there’s a way I can structure it or use it sanely to not completely overtake my life. And every time, it never happens.

Perhaps it’s time to admit the truth: that for me, it’s an addiction. And I should be app-sober.